Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Another Day

Last night our son woke up sick, vomiting, so he didn't go to school today. The day was uneventful and rather boring. My husband has a serious problem with alcohol and I have one with food. I don't eat a lot all at one time, I usually eat about half of what a normal person would. My problem is I eat all day, I'm constantly eating something, some cheese, a cookie, later a hot dog, a couple minutes later some chips, a slice of toast, just always eating. I feel like I'm always trying to fufill a craving, yet it's never fufilled. I do notice that when I'm very busy or something else is taking up all my time I forget to eat.

About a month ago we had a live in nanny come stay with us for a week and it was great. The house was clean, I had someone to talk to and go to the store with, I loved it! My husband however messed it up by making advances toward our nanny and making her feel uncomfortable and she then said she just was not comfortable with us and wanted to leave. So we let her go.

Now some women will be in shock and say how can you still be with him but you have to first understand our relationship. I was in a long-term relationship in my late teens and it devistated me when I found out that the whole time I was being decieved. I was engaged to this man, I planned to marry him and have children with him. (We actually had a son together.) It hurt me so bad that he lied to me, I trusted him completely and he lied. I held on for years with hope we'd get back together again, but eventually I saw he was just using me and I decided to let go.

Now, I tell my husband I need to know everything. I don't believe men can be faithful, I believe they all cheat, sooner or later, somehow, somewhere, something happens with someone. Now, I also believe it's not all their fault, some of them our good men and don't look for it but some women just throw themselves at our men and with presistence they eventually give in. I know my husband loved his ex-wife but he cheated on her several times, and she did nothing about it just pretended like it didn't happen. I can't do that, I can't be blind, it would drive me crazy, I need to know, I'm not going to be the fool.

My rules are I always know and approved first, there is NO spending time with that someone, no phone calls, no relationship of any kind, it can be only once. No spending the night together, always safe sex and she must know about me. Now, if that woman understands all of the above and still wants to sleep with him knowing she aint nothing but a piece of *** well fine. But he comes home to me, no secrets. I know some women will think I'm insane but I don't worry when he's gone, I don't wonder where he is or who he's with. I trust him 100%. For us it works.

The most amazing thing is that you would think that he does this all the time, because he can.
But, I bet anything that men who keep secrets sleep with other women more than mine. In the four years we've been together he's done this twice. That's it! Now, he says he doesn't even want to, he says for the most part the desire to cheat is gone because there's not secret, nothing to hide, isn't that amazing! He tells me about his friends that cheat and some of them like every week with a new girl. I think to myself wow, and their girlfriends and wives don't have a clue, they think their men are being true to them. Mine is true to me because he doesn't lie to me. That is being true to me.

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